Tag Archives: Baby #2

The hardest thing I’ve ever had to write

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This post is without a doubt the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write. There’s no easy way to say this so I’m just going to go ahead and get it over with. I lost our baby.

Around Saturday September 7th I started spotting. It was super super light and I had no cramps or pain so I wasn’t worried about it. With Lily I spotted a bunch and everything worked out so like I said I wasn’t worried. The super light spotting continued, but since there was no pain I just kept waiting for my first pre-natal midwife appointment that week. I felt pregnant so I figured everything was fine. On Wednesday September 11th I went to the midwife and told Sarah what was going on. She said that it could very well be normal, but offered a ultrasound. A chance to see my baby, of course I wanted it.

Sarah couldn’t find a 9 week fetus so she asked another midwife who was more experienced to verify. Rachel found a yolk sack, and after verifying with me that I couldn’t be only 5 weeks along (no way) she gave me some options. I choose to have Sarah take some blood to test for pregnancy hormones and then I’d have more blood taken in 48 hours to test again.

Sarah called me Thursday to tell me that my blood HCG count was about 25000 and that was about 8 weeks along. This made me feel a little better. Friday morning my bleeding picked up a little and I went in and gave blood for my follow up. Sarah put a rush on it and called me Friday night to let me know that my levels had dropped by I think 10000. This confirmed my loss.

Over the last month my bleeding has mostly been light spotting with a few days of slightly heaver moments that didn’t last long. I still have had no pain. Last week I passed some tissue a few times, luckily that didn’t last very long.

Overall I can’t complain too much about how this has worked out. No pain, not a lot of bleeding, but I’m going to complain. I mean how can I not. This just kills me. I know that I didn’t do anything to cause this and there was nothing I could do to stop it, but occasionally my thoughts still wonder that way before I can stop them. Telling Lily was so hard, heck telling people in general is so hard. We do plan on trying again once my body and emotions and back on track. I’m pretty sure we aren’t going to tell people until we just can’t get away with not telling.

8 weeks

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Thankfully I’m feeling better already. I’m sorry to rub my measly two weeks of nausea in anyone’s face, but that two weeks sucked for me and I’m really glad it seems to be mostly over. I’m not holding my breath that I’m 100% over it, but it’s awesome when I’m nausea free.

Last Thursday we went for a consultation at a birth center. I really want to have a VBAC and have the natural birth I really wanted with Lily and this birth center is perfect. It’s in a converted house and has 3 birthing rooms that each have a big spa tub and all look so comfortable and inviting. They have a walking path out back and a little community garden. They have a very high success rate with VBAC’s and are all very well trained. All in all I loved the midwife we met with and feel very comfortable there. I still need to hear back from the finance guy to see how the insurance works out, but other than that I’m pretty sure this is the route we are going to take.  We already scheduled our first prenatal with them for week after next.

Oh and the midwife recommended a doula so I need to start looking into that. Fun. I can’t wait.

I’m tired, but not really more so than normal which is surprising to me and a good thing considering Lily has as much energy as normal. Darn kid should have some compassion for me.  ** Edited I’m full of crap. I realized that I if I do anything at all during the day that is more intense than hanging out with Lily and cooking I want to pass out  and no matter what by 9:00 each night I’m ready to call it a night.

I’m still doing 20 minutes on the elliptical 3 or 4 times a week. When I told the midwife that she was shocked and amazed.  I really want to get back to doing yoga a few times a week, but I just don’t have the energy or desire to bend that much right now. The thought of bending over makes my nausea threaten to come back. The midwife said it’s fine and to wait till the second semester for stuff like that. I’m going to take her up on that.

Lily’s babyisms

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Tonight just a couple of minutes after Lily laid down for the night she picked her head up and just about killed me with the sweetness that came out of her mouth.

“Sometimes at night when I crawl up into your bed I stop at your tummy and whisper really quietly ‘goodnight’ to the baby”

“Really, that is so very sweet. Do you want me to stand up so you can tell the baby goodnight right now”

Lily’s whole face lights up as she takes in my words. “Yes of course I want to”

I stand up on my knees so my belly is at the right height and she bends down and no matter how hard I strain I can’t hear what she says, but she whispers something to my belly for a moment or two and then lays back down.

With tears in my eyes I kiss her head and tell her that she is “the sweetest thing ever” and then I say “You already love our baby so much don’t you?”

“Yes of course I do and if it’s a girl I’ll really like her too.”

Lily’s babyisms

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Lily has been so excited, curious and excited about the baby and I just don’t want to forget a thing that she’s asked or said about her or him.

When we first told her she said that she was excited, but didn’t jump up and down or anything so I wasn’t too sure how she really felt. Later that day though she came up to me with a very serious look on her face and asked “Mom, how can you eat with a baby in your tummy?” I explained that the baby wasn’t in my stomach and then asked if she wanted to lean more and she lit up with excitement. We spent over an hour looking at pregnancy sites while I told her all about what a baby at 5 weeks was like and then she noticed a video and so we spent even more time watching videos of babys at 5, 6 and 7 weeks. She loved it all.

The day before we told her we were pregnant Lily informed me that when we finally did have a baby (because this has been a topic around here for a while) she would keep the baby entertained, most of the time. A few days after we told her she told her Daddy all about her plans to keep the baby entertain, most of the time.  She didn’t elaborate, but you can tell she has plans.

While we were watching more pregnancy videos the day after the big reveal she was sitting on my lap and had her leg right in front of my belly. After a minute she looked at me with shock in her eyes and said “if my leg is touching the baby and you need me to move it, I will. I don’t want to hurt the baby”. I told her that her leg was fine right then, but that I’d let her know if she ever needed to move it. She was so revealed.

Last weekend we went looking at king sized beds (because our queen is fine for the 3 of us, but there’s no way a 4th will fit) and Waldo and I decided that we’d also get Lil a twin sized bed because her crib mattress is getting too short. A few days later Lil asked when our new big bed was going to get here and I told her that we were going this weekend to buy it and then I mentioned getting her a new bed too and she said that she didn’t need one. I reminded her that when she’s on her bed she’s too long for it and she demonstrated that if she curls up she’s ‘too short for it’ and then in a move of utter sweetness she stretched out and scooted to the edge of her mattress and said “and look if I move over here, there’s plenty of room for the baby too”. Be still my heart.

Oh I almost forgot, I think this one was my favorite. The day after we told her we were pregnant, we were doing our morning routine laying in bed waiting for Kitty to come and wake us up (it’s a thing we do even though both of us are already awake, Kitty comes in and Lily tries hard to get Kitty to step on her, I don’t get it, but Lily loves it) anyway, Lily looked at me and laid it out. “You know Mom, the problem when a Mama has a baby in her belly but already has a Kiddo the Kiddo has to wake up a bunch all night long to make sure she’s not kicking the baby and waking her up.”  “Oh, is that right?, that’s very sweet of you to think of that”.

I mean really, this kid is so sweet. I can’t wait to see her with her baby sister or brother. By the way, we all hope that it’s a sister.

7 weeks pregnant

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I found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks which according to the internet is the earliest you can find out. For the first two weeks I felt fine, tired sometimes, really really tired, but fine. Then I hit 6 weeks and that’s where this pregnancy is so different from Lily’s. When Lily I felt tired, but never really sick. I only threw up two times and after tossing I felt great. Otherwise I don’t remember ever complaining that I was nauseous. This time it’s nausea-city, and that’s not a place I ever wanted to visit, much less live in. I’m not throwing up, and sometimes I wish I would because I think I might feel better after, but than again maybe not.  I’m figuring out how to get it under control, but it sucks. Crackers and other easy to eat things are stashed around the house for easy access.

Speaking of eating just like with Lily I can’t eat that much at one time. But unlike with Lil I need to eat more often. I’ll eat and be full and fine, nauseous but fine for a while and then a few hours later (give or take depending on what I last ate) suddenly I need to eat, no I take that back I MUST EAT something and quickly, don’t get in my way, give me food, just a few bites will do but I need it like 5 minutes ago.

Another difference is that my boobs are already filling out, which is nice because with the weight that I’ve lost this year my boobs had um…deflated and shrank a little so the fullness at this point is very much appreciated.  With Lily my boobs never changed, I know it’s weird, but they didn’t.

While I’m talking about my boobs, they have been sore. I know this is a normal thing, but I didn’t really have it with Lily either. My boobs being sore was the first thing I noticed and when it didn’t go away after a day or two and my period was MIA and my temp stayed high I took a test. At this point my boobs aren’t nearly as sore, but if I bump them hardish they still feel sore.

Since this is going to be our last baby I want to do my best to document this better than I did with Lily. Hopefully you’ll see at least a tiny blerb of a post each week. That’s my goal, we’ll see how I do. Keep me accountable please.

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